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Have you ever been driving along and looked over at the car next to you and witnessed a couple riding together, the man both hands on the wheel at 10 & 2, looking straight forward, not seeing a word mouthed from his lips and the woman sitting next to him just going to town on whatever she is talking about and it appears that she could just be nagging, nagging, nagging, maybe not…but that is what I think about when I see those scenarios.I vowed to myself that I never wanted to be “that wife, the nag”.How sad it is for those men to just have to listen or at least pretend to be listening to a wife just going on and on about complaints, how bad her day had been, what he didn’t get done for her, or how they just can’t afford anything.Do we as wives think that does anything to strengthen or grow our marriages?Well, you may not be a “nag” but there may be ways in how you communicate with your husband that show disrespect to him.
Christian and I have been married 11 years and a few years ago we attended a Love & Respect conference here in the valley.This was a big turning point in our marriage when I learned about respect and I worked on changing my behavior.
What does it mean to Love and Respect?Dr. Emerson Eggerich, author of Love and Respect says, “We believe love best motivates a woman and respect most powerfully motivates a man. Research reveals that during marital conflict a husband most often reacts when feeling disrespected and a wife reacts when feeling unloved.” I asked myself, do I respect Christian and I naturally answered yes, but according to him I didn’t.Well, he was right.It isn’t to just think well or highly of someone, but for us it meant that Christian would feel respected by me when I acknowledged his ideas and input.I didn’t always have to agree, but I showed respect by acknowledging his suggestions. I am not sure why I used to do this, but I acted like I had to go to battle with him for my ideas to be heard. I have learned that when I calmly share my thoughts, this shows respect and gets me a lot farther, because he wanted to hear my thoughts. I don’t overreact like I used to, I take a deep breath before I respond and then say what I feel if it still seems relevant and not just my emotions coming out.We have really enjoyed the last few years of growing in this area of communication in our marriage.
As I drive down the road these days, it isn’t always Christian that is hearing my words but my two little boys that are learning how to love and respect one another as I hope to model and not be that nagging mother or wife.
I've thought about this for a long time, but I've had a few conversations in the last couple weeks that finally brought me to write out my thoughts.
For many people these days the number one criteria for choosing a church is, “Do I like the music?” The secondary criteria seems to be, “Are the people here like me?” Many are drawn to a church by the super leader/preacher. I think these are terrible criteria for choosing a church. Not only are they mostly unbiblical, they completely miss the point of church, and contribute to (as well as reflect) the consumer nature of the American Christian. First lets consider why these are inadequate criteria. Then I will suggest some better criteria.
Music and singing are legitimate means of praising the Lord, and specifically doing it together as a church (Eph. 5:19). But, that praise is to primarily be about pleasing the Lord, not focused on our likes (although we can enjoy it, and the Lord probably enjoys us enjoying praising Him). Now, if what you are judging is how genuine a congregation seems in their adoration of the Lord, as you observe it through their singing, that can be a legitimate factor in choosing a church, after some more important criteria are considered.
Looking for a homogeneous group of believers, like you, is just not consistent with New Testament Christianity. God is the God of all the nations. He is the God who broke down the dividing wall between Jews and Gentiles through Jesus (Eph. 2:14). I think we would honor God more by being able to gather in diversity. Clearly races should be able to mix together in a church, but we let style and familiarity separate us. Ages should mix in the church. For example, people who are involved only in a singles group. How are they going to have models of strong Christian marriage? How are young women going to get the mentoring they are supposed to get from older women (Titus 2:4-5)?
Attending a church primarily for its charismatic leader or gifted teacher shortchanges what the church is intended to be. Each believer is supposed to contribute their gifts to the work of the ministry. When one believer is the exalted centerpiece it can convey a wrong view of the church. Although we have some NT examples of acts of a charismatic few attracting people to Christian fellowship (namely the apostles in Acts), it seems to fall short of the ideal for regular church. I was thinking the other day, “What would it be like for people to be drawn to a church because of the sum of all the believers there, and the impact they were having?”
So, how should we choose a church?
Start looking close to where you live. In the early church they gathered daily, and their close proximity was part of making this possible. If you are going to be integrally involved in the church, the way the Lord desires, it is ideal to not have your driving distance be a discouraging factor. Now, each person has their idea of what close means, and what they would consider a far drive. As you visit the churches close to you, I would suggest using the following criteria.
Look for a church that is committed to teaching the Bible, and teaching it expositionally. Many pastors are pedaling their personal wisdom, stories, and insights as the main point of interest in their teaching. Those things should be used in preaching, but to only illustrate the teachings of the Bible, not as the main content. God’s clearest revelation of Himself to us is in His son Jesus Christ. Jesus’ words and actions are recorded in the Bible. The Bible is God’s clear communication to us. So, we should be getting the information God wants us to know from the Bible. The apostles teachings are found in the Bible, which is what the early Christians were committed to studying when they gathered together (Acts 2:42). Expositional teaching means that the teacher attempts to expose the author’s meaning in the text, and ultimately God’s meaning, as opposed to what does it mean to me. Related to biblical teaching, look for a doctrinally sound church (1 Tim. 4:6, 6:3-4, 2 Tim. 4:3). If you don’t know enough about orthodox doctrine (beliefs held as biblically sound through history), get help from someone who does. Once you find a church or churches that meet this criteria, you can consider the next.
Is this a community God would want me to be a part of? Hebrews 10:24-25 talks about habitually meeting together with other believers, and teaches that the purpose is to spur one another to love and good deeds. Ask yourself, “Do the people of this church seem like loving people that are going to help me be more loving?” “Does this seem like a place that is going to encourage me in good works and serving?” “Does God seem to be calling me here?” This criteria is much more subjective. It requires prayer and listening for God’s inaudible speaking to the ears of our heart. It may also involve getting counsel from other believers. Is there specific ministry there that the Lord may be calling you to participate in? Do you feel a connection with the people (even if they are not like you)?
After you have considered these criteria, if there is still more than one church that you feel is possible, then you could decide between them based on preferences like worship style or maybe some amenities/classes/programs offered that you like.
I hope this information is helpful in choosing a church the next time you need to do that, and that the Lord will be honored in your choice.
Some more helpful questions to ask yourself, after a few visits:
Did I learn from the Bible? Was what I learned doctrinally sound?
Was it a place where fellowship and community are encouraged?
Are people's lives being changed?
Is there a place for me to serve in the church?
Is this church involved in missions and local outreach?
Did this church help me connect with God?
What's the most critical thing your marriage may be hurting for?
I heard a couple on the radio today, who are marriage researchers and Christian teachers on marriage, who I respect and have gained lots of insight from over the years.They said time spent together may be one of the most important factors in a healthy marriage. This has not been one of the top influencing factors on divorce, showing up in the research over the years. Finances, sex, and communication are always the top three factors in marital conflict and divorce. But, the old research possibly wasn’t asking the right questions to bring out this aspect of time spent together. There is some new research out that suggest time spent together may be the most significant factor. That being the case, they talked about how busy the lives are that we live and therefore how we have to constantly, consciously, fight for time with our spouse.You can listen to the program here:http://www.focusonthefamily.com/popups/media_player.aspx?LatestDaily=1&Tab=Shows&subcategory=SuperbowlExtras. The name of the program is Staying Connected in Life's Busyness, from April 6.
I didn’t get to listen to the whole program, but I was thinking about it, and realized how affected those other three things are by time spent together.
If we don’t spend enough time together, we can’t communicate well (just like if we don’t spend time with God, we can’t communicate with Him, and that affects our relationship).
If we aren’t spending significant time together, we won’t have the kind of connection that is going to lend itself to intimacy and a strong sex life.We shouldn’t just think because we’re married sex is an automatic.Anybody married for some time should know better.God has programmed us so that sex, especially for women, requires relationship investment.I think God may have given us sex, as a drive and a joy, to help push us toward relationship – it’s an obvious payoff that makes it worth our investment.
It may be a little harder to see the connection between time spent together and financial harmony, but I think the connection is there.If you aren’t spending enough time together, your values will start to differ.We spend money on what we value.So if our values part ways, the way we think money should be spent will begin to part ways, and we will start having conflict over it.If we’re placing too high of an importance on money, we may spend more time working, and that will affect the time available for each other.By spending time together, we may spend more money on some categories, like entertainment and eating out.But, one, that’s not necessary; we can hang out, talk, and even have fun, without going out and spending money.And, two, even if we do spend money on being together, it’s more worth it than a lot of things we spend money on, and will probably be mutually agreeable to both spouses.Also, we may spend less money on some other categories.I know when I seek entertainment and diversion apart from my family, I tend to spend more money than I do when I’m with my family (It’s more expensive to play golf than to go swimming with my wife and kids.It’s more expensive to go clothes shopping than it is to sit on the couch with a cup of coffee and talk to my spouse).
Are you spending enough, quality and quantity, time with your spouse?And how about with your kids?Our kids may not divorce us, but we shouldn’t neglect them because of lack of obvious consequences.There will be consequences.More importantly, don’t we want the kind of rich, rewarding, joyful relationships God wants for us.
Here are some helpful practices (we don’t’ have to do them all, but do some that are helpful):
Weekly business meeting – Synchronize your calendars (this alone will prevent so many conflicts), plan events together (including/especially time together), have any critical conversations (ask, is there anything you’ve been thinking about that we haven’t had a chance to talk about?)
Date night or day – You can just try to do this randomly.You may even value the spontaneity, and therefore fight for doing it randomly.But, the key question is, is it happening that way?If it’s not, then there’s no value in your random method.With busy schedules the only things that get done are things that get scheduled.Find a night you can set as date night.It may be the same night every week (that’s how we do it), or you may set a night at each weeks business meeting.Once it’s set, don’t break it without both of you agreeing to reschedule it.You don’t have to go out and spend money.You just need to be alone and focused on each other.You can have a date in the back yard with a cup of coffee or tea.You can go sit on a couch or bench at a fancy resort or mall and not spend a dime, but have great ambiance to sit and talk.Go swing on swings at the park, lay on a blanket and look at the stars, go play a board game at a coffee shop, go for a swim together.What did you do for dates before you were married?
Fun time/Recreation time – Do something you both enjoy.If you don’t have anything you both enjoy, take turns doing what the other person enjoys.You need to have fun together.And even if what you do for them isn’t fun for you, the sacrifice and attempt at enjoying yourself will be meaningful to them; it may end up being better for your relationship than if you did something together you both enjoy.
Pray together – It may sound trite, but it’s not.If God is the most significant thing in your lives individually, then it can build intimacy to share that most important thing.Along the same lines, talking about the sermon at church may be a way to share this important area of our lives.Praying is also something that many people won’t just do with anybody, so it communicates intimacy.We can express meaningful things with each other through prayer.And don’t forget this benefit, prayer has affect.
Serve together – You may not have the same or even complementary gifts, so your main ministry may not be able to be together, but finding some way to serve together could bring your great shoulder-to-shoulder time doing something valuable.
Do something to serve them that puts you in each other’s presence – Give her a massage.Give him sex that he didn’t have to ask for :-o. Make a special meal to share.Make their favorite treat drink and enjoy it together.Help do one of their chores with them.
Greetings and good-by’s – When you first get home, let your first move be to go hug and kiss your spouse.If you’re the one home, drop whatever you are doing.This communicates that your spouse is of more value than anything else.It doesn’t have to be at home; whenever you come back together, go right to each other, even if friends or your kids are present (it’s good for them to see too).When you leave each other, go hug, kiss, say “I love you” and “good-bye”.
Pillow talk – If you can at all make it work on some nights, go to bed at the same time.That is one place that you don’t share with any others (except maybe young kids, but keep them out at this time).Spending some time connecting there can bring great intimacy, even if it’s just a few minutes.If you haven’t already done it that day, ask each other the low and high of your days.Maybe do your praying together there.We bought a book with beautiful places around the world, we’ll sit sometimes and read about a place together and look at the beautiful pictures.What could you get and share in those few minutes together?
Turn off the TV – Do I really need to say anything about this one?It’s a time robber.Any of these other good suggestions can be thwarted by the TV.Unless you have a show you like to watch together, and then don’t just sit there, interact over the show; make some popcorn and share a bowl.
Spend time with your kids, together – We often have a divide-and-conquer mentality with our kids.Not everything in life needs to be efficient.Do some things together merely for the sake of time together.Relationship is invaluable.We have to believe that is more valuable than what we could have gotten done.
Present day Americans are probably more able than any other culture in history to prevent discomfort and suffering. You can choose from thousands of types of chairs, whatever suits your fancy (and fanny). We have pharmaceuticals for almost every ailment. Any inconvenience, pain, or problem that enters our life, we immediately search for a solution to, and their often is a solution, or hundreds.
God's word clearly calls each of us to testify about Jesus (see 1 Peter 3:15-16). But, His word also clearly states that suffering comes along with testifying about Jesus. In our culture, we probably won’t suffer like the first century Christian’s did for witnessing. But, most people we share Jesus with will reject us and maybe even ridicule us. Even that small level of suffering has become intolerable to Christians.
The scriptures call us to endure suffering for the sake of those who would believe and obtain eternal life with Christ (2 Tim. 2:10). In other words, we are asked to suffer to help others obtain what we’ve obtained. Interesting, because Jesus suffered so that we could obtain what we’ve obtained, and He suffered way more than we likely ever will. Despite that fact, the American way of life has affected Christians in such a way that, for the most part, we are unwilling to suffer, even for the chance that we could change someone’s eternity, even for our Lord who suffered for us.
The next progression is the response of well-meaning pastors. Pastors have rationalized, “Well, Christians aren’t doing evangelism. We can’t let the Gospel go unproclaimed. So, we (meaning pastors) must do it at church.” So, for at least a couple decades now, pastors have been encouraging Christians to invite non-Christians to church, rather than teaching evangelism. The first problem with this is it’s not what our Lord has asked us to do. Another problem has been created. That’s what happens; when you start disobeying the Lord in one way, it starts a spiral of adjustments (kind of like lying, where an initial lie spirals into the necessity for more lies to cover the original lie).
Pastors have now rationalized, “If our church is going to be comfortable and attractive to non-believers, then we have to adjust everything for them.” I can’t even enumerate here all the problems this causes. Suffice it to say, we often do things God would not want us to do, and we eliminate things that Christians need for their growth. Now, the preaching of our call to evangelism isn’t the only thing from God’s word getting left out of our churches.
Let’s not be conformed to the thinking of this world. Let’s obey God, even if it brings suffering, because He suffered and died for us. And if we obey the call to share Jesus, He may just give us the privilege of leading someone to obtain eternal life. That’s amazing, and would be worth a lifetime of rejection and ridicule.
(For motivational help in witnessing, listen to Not Holding Back part 2 and The Gospel Turned Loose. Click here to go to Audio Messages)
On the occasion of Valentines Day coming I was thinking about love, specifically about love in marriage.I was thinking about what a biblical love song would sound like.For a song, we might do best going to the poetry of Song of Solomon. But, the first thing that came to my mind is the great passage on marriage in Ephesians 5.
♪ ♪ ♫Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
♪ ♪ ♫For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church,
♪He Himself being the Savior of the body. ♪ ♪ ♫♪ ♪ ♫
I don’t think that would ever make it as a pop love song, even on a Christian station.But, God’s idea of love is not the same as the world’s.And I’m so thankful of that.Their type of love doesn’t last and doesn’t meet the deepest needs.
So, this valentines day, go ahead and enjoy your candy, flowers, and eating out, if those are your type of traditions.But, let me make another suggestion.Some day this week, spend some time measuring your contribution to your marriage against Ephesians 5:22-33.It may not seem “romantic”, but it is the map for marriage, given by the inventor of marriage… and the inventor of love.
A few helpful tips for understanding this passage:
For "submit", read it as follow the lead of.
"respect", in verse 33, also helps us understand "submit"
The husbands role in sacrificial love is key to the relationship, just like Jesus' sacrifice is key to our relationship with and response to Him.
Today I preached about being persistent in prayers for people/things.Here are the things I’m praying for us as a church family.I share these because I want to ask you to join me in these prayers for the church.
We would truly love the Lord, and each of us would have intimacy with Him
We would love one another
We would worship God with our lives and observe His commands
We would make disciples
We would care for the lost and share Jesus with them
We would be servants in all aspects of life
We would be committed to meeting with each other for encouragement, the Word, and prayer
We would be generous, taking joy in giving to others and the kingdom, as much as caring for ourselves
We would depend on the Spirit, to defeat sin, serve, and generally live life
We would live Eph. 5:22-33 marriages
We would be forgiving people
We would strive for unity and peace
We would accept and appreciate on another’s diversity (personalities, race, gifts, etc.)
I’m reading a pretty good book right now called Crazy Love, by Francis Chan.I don’t entirely share the author’s perspective on what the Bible is all about, but he makes some great points that are biblical.Let some of the quotes challenge you.
Chan quotes John Piper, who writes, “The critical question for our generation – and for every generation – is this:If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?”
Chan follows that up with, “How many of you will read those word and say, “You know, I just might be okay with that”?If you are deeply in love with God.., you know you could never be satisfied in heaven without Christ.”
The essence of heaven is being with Jesus Christ.If that is not what we want out of heaven, we are probably not going there.
I think we should also consider Piper’s idea this way:If you could have life, with good health, and with great friends, plenty of great food to enjoy, you could afford and have the time for all the leisure activities you enjoy, and could partake in any physical pleasures you like, and could have no conflicts or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with your life, if Christ were not in it?
How much toward those goals are many Christians already living?
Chan says, “If you merely pretend that you enjoy God or Love Him, He knows.You can’t fool Him; don’t even try.Instead, tell Him how you feel.Tell Him that He isn’t the most important thing in this life to you, and that you’re sorry for that.Tell Him that you’ve been lukewarm, that you’ve chose _________ over Him time and again.Tell Him that you want Him to change you, that you long to genuinely enjoy Him.Tell Him how you want to experience true satisfaction and pleasure and joy in your relationship with Him.”
I was just thinking about a couple of things we’ve studied recently in church (sermon on Ephesians and Home Fellowship study in Elijah) with relation to some recent experiences.I’m so thankful that God has given us his word on which to base our life and decisions.Otherwise, how would you make good, right, decisions?Most make them based solely on the contemporary wisdom – books they read, what’s said on talk shows, the results of research studies, what their friends say.
Ephesians 4:13-14 (NASB95)
“until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ.As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming;”
Presumably mature Christians know God’s word well.As a result we are not to be going back and forth and our course determined by the mere teachings (that’s what “doctrine” means) and philosophies of people.I am so thankful that I have scripture on which to base my life, from parenting decisions to the way to lead the church.Otherwise every new piece of contemporary wisdom would throw me in a new direction of make me doubt myself.Now I must say, receiving counsel from others (spouse, friends, elders in my case, etc.) is helpful, essential, and biblical.But, we have to consider their counsel against scripture, and ultimately land on our values and convictions based on comparison against scripture and in conversation with God.Then we go with it, still allowing counsel to challenge our direction, but it doesn’t have to threaten our peace that relies upon knowing God’s roadmap.
From Elijah’s experience with Jezebel in 1 Kings 19, I concluded, people are not always going to accept what you have done under the conviction of the Lord.I experience this all the time.I just keep doing what I feel led to do and know that there are going to be negative responses some times.We can’t be trying to please people above God.When challenges and negativity do come my way, usually in the form of disapproving people, it does affect me. I generally am sad.If someone has wronged me, I may be a little irritated with them.But soon, I realize that it’s just part of the job/relationship/etc., and trust the Lord with helping me respond appropriately and moving forward, operating under my biblical and God lead (through prayer) convictions.
It feels like a much more sane and undistressed way to live.
Thanks Lord for your word.I pray that we would appreciate it enough to know it well.Thanks that we can talk to You on how to apply your word and to fill in any blanks.
Last week I went on vacation to California with my wife and two sons. Angie and I have usually stayed in pretty cheap hotels, because we don’t spend much time in the hotel. So, I booked the cheapest hotel I could find that I thought wouldn’t be filthy. It wasn’t filthy, but I referred to it while we were there as the “roach motel”. I was thinking that it was a mistake now that we have kids to stay in such a hotel. We spent more time in the room because of naps and just general maintenance of kids (you parents know what I’m talking about), instead of the get in, sleep, get out that Angie and I use to do. The last day of the trip we asked our 3 year old what his favorite part of the trip was. We were expecting it would be a certain ride, or Mickey Mouse, or the beach, which we knew he had enjoyed tremendously. He said, “The hotel.” At first we thought he might be confused about the questions. But, as we talked to him about it, I think we figured out why he liked it so much. We were all in one little 10x15 room for at least 4-5 awake hours a day. We were wrestling, laughing, mixing up our sleeping together on the small beds, snuggling, and even eating some meals on our beds together. We concluded that the reason the hotel was his favorite part was because of our closeness all week. Now, Angie stays home, spends a lot of time with and has a lot of fun with the boys. I play with the boys almost every day, a little bit like I did in the hotel. But, something about our closeness of proximity in that little, not so nice hotel, made it a special experience for him.
I could probably come up with more lessons that this could teach. Maybe you’ll think of some of those. But, these are the first lessons that struck us.
1)We don’t have a huge home, but it confirmed, what we’ve learned through other avenues, that we don’t need even what we have, to be happy as a family.
2)The insatiable appetite of kids for the attention and affection of their parents. It’s more meaningful to them than great entertainment.
What might this mean for your perspective, for your lifestyle?
When we were on vacation a few weeks ago, and I was snorkeling, I picked up a conch shell in the ocean.It’s a big shell with a big snail like critter that lives inside it.People eat the critter, so I thought I give it a shot.I brought the shell back into the beach, and my curious 3 year old, Joshua, wanted to know what I had.I showed him the shell and told him there’s an animal curled up inside.He was so excited and stared at it trying to get a glimpse of the animal.I grabbed my son’s sand bucket, filled it with sea water, and put the shell inside.A few minutes later Joshua was pouring the water out of the bucket, so I told him not to do that because we needed to keep the animal fresh until we can cook him and eat him.Joshua said, very excited and curious, “We’re going to eat mine animal?”I said, “Yes.”When we got back to the condo, I began to boil the shell.Joshua said, “Let’s eat mine animal.”I said, “I have to cook him first.So, I finished boiling it, pulled the critter out, cleaned it, and sautéed it in butter.Joshua was right on the spot ready to eat it.I gave him a bite, which he quickly swallowed.I chewed on it for a few minutes and spit it out because it was like tasteless tire rubber.
Joshua is always saying, “Remember when,” and then he tells us of some event he remembers, from an hour ago, a day ago, or even weeks ago.The next day we were at the beach, and a lady walking her dog came along.Angie is trying to teach Joshua to ask if he can pet a person’s dog, rather than just rushing up to them.So, Angie says, “Joshua if you ask this lady, and her doggie is nice, maybe she’ll let you pet him.”The lady heard what Angie said, started coming toward Joshua, and said, “He’s nice.You can pet him.”Joshua gets this excited, kind of scary look on his face, and says in a loud voice, “Me eat mine animal!”The lady looks a little freaked out and steps back, thinking that Joshua might have been referring to a dog or even her dog with his animal comment.We ensured the lady that his comment was some other event he was remembering and nothing to do with dogs.After she left we were cracking up.We all had context to kind of understand Joshua’s comment.We think he was just remembering the conch from the day before at that moment, because we were on the same beach.But, the lady’s context only related to her dog.
I tell that whole story, one, just because it was funny, but two, because it reminded me how important context is for proper understanding.Joshua ripped a memory from the previous day’s events and inserted it in an inopportune moment.People often do that with Bible verses.They rip a verse out of its context and insert it into a conversation or apply it to a current situation, without regard for what the verse means - what the author meant for it to communicate in the context he wrote it in.There is an old discourse that goes like this: “What are the first three rules of Bible interpretations?”Pause for an answer or thought.“Context, context, context.”Just like when we speak or write, we have an intended meaning, the authors of the Bible had a certain intended meaning to everything they wrote.It’s our job to try to discern what their meaning was, before we try to apply the truth to our lives.The danger inserting a verse (quoting it) into a new context (our situation), if we have interpreted it wrong or more likely not tried to interpret it properly at all, is that we can give people wrong understandings of proper Christian belief, and we can reinforce those sometimes wrong beliefs in our own minds.
So, do memorize and quote scripture.But, make sure you study the verse in its context and determine its proper meaning before quoting it.And actually, I have found that understanding is a superior method to just rote repetition, to aid memorization.
Last week I was listening to a worship song in my truck called Give Me Jesus.As I was singing that song I had a thought that may seem simple, but it was profound for me in the moment.In trying to live a Christian life on a daily basis I’m not sure I’m living in relationshipwith Christ himself right now.God has invited us into a relationship, not just a lifestyle.It’s a relationship that needs daily attentiveness to the person of Christ.
This last weekend I attended Men’s Retreat.The first morning the guys and I were studying Galatians 5 about walking by the Spirit.It’s a natural question to ask, how exactly do I walk by/with the Spirit.I made the point to the guys that we can’t reduce it to some simple formula.First of all we’re not given a formula.God has invited us into an ongoing relationship with Himself, and in this case He’s expressing it in relationship to the Spirit.We are to walk with the Spirit of God.And that relationship is not a simple formula.It means us looking to the Spirit, depending on Him, relating to Him, trusting Him daily, even moment by moment, as we take each step through life.That’s how we live the Christian life. That's what I'm going to be looking to focus on in my life.
In Jeff’s sermon last Sunday he talked briefly about making decisions in a season that effect us negatively down the road.He said, “Be careful,” about today’s decisions that seem to serve our needs at the moment.
I think the context of the story in Ruth had a lot of financial implications.One of the things I’ve been thinking about a lot, with our economy the way it is, is that I hope people will make better financial decisions going forward because of this season we’ve been through with the economy and the things we’ve seen happen to people.We can’t depend on the economy, and we can’t even DEPEND on good financial decisions we make.We need to depend on God for our provision.But, we are given a bunch of financial counsel in the Bible, and we are encouraged to make wise decisions, prayerfully.
One of the decisions most people make every month is to live on everything they make, and sometimes above what they make (going into debt).This isn’t a sermon, so I’m not going to exegete scripture about this. I just want to share some thoughts (that’s what a blog is for, right?) based on biblical wisdom and what financial planners would say that isn’t in contradiction with scripture.
We should be living on less than we make.One, if we are living on it all, there is nothing, or just little leftover scraps to contribute to the Lord’s work.We are supposed to give Him the first and the best.Do we really want to be giving him little leftovers?Two, we should be saving.This is not to skirt our dependence on the Lord, because even our savings can’t be our final security.And God might end up asking us to use our savings for His causes.We are supposed to have something available to help others who are struggling, which savings is perfect for.Savings can help us in our own times of struggle.The biggest thing I’m thinking of is if we lose a job.
If we lose our job, what could happen?If we have little or no savings, what could we stand to loose?What could be at stake?This next question is where Jeff’s sermon struck me.What kind of decisions are we likely to make in the midst of having no job and no savings?I know so many people who took a job out of need, because they had little or no savings to tide them over while they looked for a job they really wanted, and they wake up 10, 20, 30 years later, still in that same job that they didn’t want to take, didn’t intend on staying in, and they wonder, “How did I end up here?”
So, if you don’t already, start saving.You may need it for you.If not, maybe the Lord will ask you to use it for someone else, or for His kingdom.Maybe both will happen as it becomes a new habit for you to save.That has sure been my experience.
I have been thinking a lot over the last year about what a consumer society we are. We even consume church, rather than BEING the church. With the economy the way it is I've been thinking a lot about being content, how our security is not in this world, and therefore our call as Christians to react differently in this time when everybody is reacting to the economy. I've run into a couple things in the last week that speak to that, which I'd like to share with you. One is short and the other a little longer.
I read a few quotes from Dr. Sue Gallagher that I thought were profound.
“When the economy is shaky we tend to cut back our giving. This year is a great chance to put our money where our faith is by encouraging faithful giving… Remember, if we always do what we’ve always done, we will simply get what we’ve always gotten.”
“Here is our chance (as Christians) to begin a wave of generosity in the midst of those who would have us sit tight. This is a really good chance to step outside ourselves and invest in something that matters at a time that really matters.”
My step father recently wrote a book about his life. One part that really had Angie and me in awe was when he was talking about his childhood living conditions and how happy he was, despite what we would consider a meager, even rough existence. We who know Christ have even more cause to be content and joyful with very little because this world is not our home. Here is a segment from My Life by Daniel Ramey.
“We had no indoor plumbing in our house. We had to get our water from a pump out near our back porch. When we wanted to take a bath, we would bring a galvanized wash tub into the house and heat water on the kitchen stove.”
“We made do with Kerosene lamps in my earlier years. Can you just imagine not having electricity in your house today? As well as no television, no heating other than a fireplace, no family automobile, no video games, no telephones in our home, and no paved street in front of your house? I was probably four or five years old before my family had the convenience of electricity inside our house.”
“In the coal mining camp (where they lived), we had no recreational facilities, such as basketball courts or gymnasium. We did have sleds which were a lot of fun in the winter time. During the summer months, we would pitch horseshoes and play various board games, none of which I can remember the name of. Almost all of the boys owned a slingshot.”
“It was during the days of the Great Depression when I was growing up. Salaries were very meager and jobs were extremely scarce. At one point, my father was laid off and had no job for quite a while. I can recall my father walking to the store, which was a very long distance, to pick up groceries for the neighbor. The neighbor would pay my father 25 cents and my father would buy beans, and sometimes flour, for us. My mother made a lot of biscuits in those days, and many times our supper would consist of only beans and biscuits. But, we were satisfied with that.”
41 people from our church went to Tijuana – 5 sixth graders who were graduating from a discipleship program, 10 senior high students, and the rest were adults, most of whom were there for the sixth graders or the students. We worked with Amor Ministries. We completed two houses and had a really great trip. There were a ton of awesome things, but I'll just share my four favorites.
I’ve been on missions before, but this was the best example of the “body” operating together, as I see Paul talking about in the scriptures. We were going for a building trip, so presumably everybody would just build. But, even at the worksite people operated with different gifts (like we talked a lot about before going on the trip). At the worksite, some lead the whole thing, some lead their area, some just followed directions and worked real hard, others had a hard time with all the physical labor but found other things to do, like take water to people and play with the neighbor kids. We had a cook team that blessed everyone’s socks off with great food and tremendous help around the campsite. The sixth graders lead devotionals every day. Some of the students and one adult prepared and lead us in worship every night; that was fantastic. It was excellent to see and be part of.
One night, after everyone had gone to bed, I saw a guy up talking with one of our students. They called me over. The student was sobbing and the guy was hugging him. This guy is a quiet, strong type. But, I sat there and watched this guy share some amazingly Spirit-filled words with this young man, and showed him amazing grace. I felt so privileged to be witness to this beautiful moment. It was a moment that you realize is only possible because of Christ.
The last day, half the team stayed in Mexico, the other half went home. We went to an outreach event at a church. We were supposed to be there to help. At first it didn’t seem like they were really utilizing our help. We eventually jumped in and served food. After the food it seemed like things were wrapping up, and not feeling like we were being much help I wanted to leave. But, we stuck around and God allowed some cool stuff, really at the initiation of our students. I started to look around and our students had engaged themselves with people. Some of them were playing games with groups of kids. Several of our female students had found little girls to almost adopt, they were dancing with them, holding them, and acting affectionately. Another student was making bracelets for kids out of the leaves of a bamboo plant. One of our students who was standing back a little more, had his heart captured by a little boy, and they were rough housing. One of the male students, who just a couple days before had asked for kind of a private lesson from me in how to share the gospel, was going around using gospel bracelets to share the gospel with several men and a whole bunch of kids; that was one of the most awesome things of the whole trip for me. The whole thing was so cool. And to think, I almost ruined all of it, selfishly wanting to leave.
The senior high leaders and students stopped in San Diego for one day on the way back to have some fun and process the trip. I really had high hopes for the processing time, because I know those can be powerful. But, come on, these are high school students, so my expectations were low. They really blew me away. They told great stories and we laughed on and off. I laughed so hard one time that I fell over with my gut hurting. Each student shared something he or she learned, and they were really profound. The thing that really blew me away was, they shared significant things that they thought God wanted to change in them, which they had discovered on the trip. It was an incredible blessing to be part of.
I can’t wait to see what God is going to do next with Stone Creek and missions. I hope you will consider being on the next one.
On my trip to Brazil my friend and I had several conversations that we brought up spiritual things and talked about Christ. Here is a quick summary of several of those:
·An very sweet college student on the plane, who is a Jew by upbringing who hasn’t decided about matters of faith personally.
·A Haitian cab driver in Miami, who says he prays to Jesus, believes in voodoo. He believes voodoo is of the devil, but that some voodoo is for good.
·An author we met at Starbucks who writes about the (government) system deceiving us but doesn't think anybody should preach to anyone else.
·Trafficans (drug dealers) in the favela (slum) who wanted us to pray for them.
·A masseuse in Rio who believes a little Eastern religion, some New Age thought, and some Christ teaching, and has no problem mixing them.
Rather than writing about what we said, I thought I would ask you, what would you say to them? You can respond to any or all of them. Just click the “Comments” link above this entry, next to the date, and share what you would say.
I regularly pray for my doctor’s salvation, and that God would use me in his life, even though I only get to see him a couple times a year. Who knows, I may be the only Christ-follower he acquainted with. When we moved over to this part of town a few years ago I prayed about switching doctors. You see, not only do I like my doctor as a good doctor, but I consider every relationship as one God has put me in, and therefore it is His prerogative to direct the continuation of any relationship. Even though it would mean a 50 mile round trip drive, I felt God wanted me to continue seeing my same doctor after our move. I have had some good spiritual conversations with him and we have been pretty friendly with one another; I felt like God was going to continue that. So, I have stayed visiting my doctor in South Scottsdale.
This last week I have been incredibly sick with the flu. Knowing I was going to see my doctor I started praying for my time with him. I prayed that our time might be used for the gospel, that I was willing to be used, and would be please to have a spiritual conversation with my doctor. I also prayed that I would not force anything, but that God would give the opportunity and guide me.
I wasn’t in the office with the doctor more than a few minutes before he says, “I started reading the Bible the other day.” I had sent him a Bible about a year ago after a spiritual conversation, which he ended by saying, “I think I’d like to read the Bible some day.” When he made the comment about reading the Bible, I knew God was answering my prayer. I said, “Really?” and listened. From there it was one of those special God-lead conversations where they ask all the perfect questions and God guides me into what seem like the perfect answers. In the short frame of about 10 minutes we talked from Genesis to Revelation, from us being created in the image of God to the eternality of our souls, from our fall into sin to salvation offered only in Jesus Christ, graciously by God. He didn’t accept Christ in the room, like I wish he would have. But, we had a great conversation. I felt very blessed to have been used by God like that. The most important part wasn’t my feelings, although being in the middle of what God is doing always feels wonderful. I really care about this man. So, the most exciting thought was, that conversation might be part of what lands his soul in eternity with Christ our Lord. Wow, wouldn't that be awesome!
I don’t ever mind getting sick, even as wicked as it’s been this week, if God is going to use it like that. What opportunities do you have in your life today, tomorrow, this week? Do you really care about people around you? What difficulty even, might you be distressed about, that God might use to mature you or for the advancement of His Kingdom, if you are willing (James 1:2-4)? God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Rom. 8:28). Do you want to experience God's good, however it might come? Are you listening for His calling today? Are you willing to be used? There is no more exciting life.
My wife loves traditions. I am always a little hesitant to commit to traditions, because that means I have to do them every year. I don’t like that pressure. But, my wife and I came to an understanding. We can feel free to start/try things, with an eye to maybe continuing them, as long as she doesn’t expect that they will always happen. So, we are working on some new Christmas traditions.
We put a variety of candy in little Christmas cellophane bags. We printed out labels that said something like, “Marry Christmas from Christian, Angie, and Joshua Sanich, from your neighbors at (address).” Last night we walked around as a family and handed those out to all of our neighbors. Only about half of our neighbors were home, but the six or seven we got to talk to were very friendly with us. We really enjoyed it. We like what this kind of thing teaches Joshua. So, we will probably do this one again next year.
Angie and I are not going to buy Christmas gifts for each other (we still give gifts, see Christmas Gift Ideas). We aren't giving a bunch of gifts to Joshua either. Instead, we are going to take the money we would have spent on each other and Joshua and we are going to buy an animal, like a cow, to be sent to a needy family in a third world country, through World Vision or Samaritan's Purse. We are pretty excited about this. Again, we like what this teaches Joshua. He’s too young to understand it yet, so we are going to print a picture of what we give, put it in a little frame, and make it a tree ornament for posterity.
We’re also going to start Christmas eve at our house for family and friends. We are going to have hot drinks, sit out by the fire and sing a few Christmas carols, and then play games. I’m looking forward to that.
I hope you will start some traditions that honor the true meaning of Christmas and reaches out to others. If you have some great traditions, post a comment to share them with us.
I'm updating and republishing this from last year, because the results of it have been great.
I really like giving gifts.But, I like giving gifts that I know someone is going to like.That is why I try to make a practice of giving gifts to people during the year when I discover something someone will like, regardless of if there is a birthday or holiday.I HATE the pressure and resulting stress of having to come up with a gift for everyone I care about at Christmas.I’m not going to go off on the commercialism of Christmas, because I think there are some strong links between Christmas and giving.But, there are also some strong links between Christ coming (Christmas) and PEACE.So, we (my wife and I) have been looking for ways to relieve some of the Christmas gift stress, still give gifts, and honor the season and our values.
We came up with a few ideas.One idea was gifts of serving.We value being servants, and acts of service also make good gifts, so we thought this would be cool.We actually did this for our staff white elephant exchange last year.We made up certificates of ways that we could serve each other and we exchanged those.People gave car washes, house chores, oil changes, and things like that.We had fun giving them and it was also be a blessing to each other fulfilling them. This year I plan to offer a gift of service to my wife for Christmas, because we are not doing gifts for each other (read on).
Another idea was gifts of fellowship. You just make up a certificate offering to take the person/people somewhere with you. We did this with our Home Fellowship (Pursuit) last year. Everybody loved it so much they requested it again this year. We just did it this last weekend at our Christmas party.We did our exchange white elephant style. This year people did things like providing a family pic-nic, going shooting at the range, ice skating & Starbucks, going to the drive-in movies. Last year people did ice-blocking, miniature golf, dinner out, dinner at home. I may be giving this to someone else, but I also get the gift of being with them. This idea is impacting more than Christmas now. My mom and dad are typically hard to buy for on any occasion. For my mom's birthday I offered to take her out to lunch four times and pay. With my dad, I take him to sporting events. They love these gifts, I love giving them, and we get to build our relationship spending time together.
One thing we have been working toward in our family, is less gift chaos.You may have a family that is resistant to cutting out gifts.That’s how our family is.So, we have had to take small steps each year.We have tried only buying gifts for the kids.Then we added buying gifts for kids and for your parents, but no other relatives.We are going to try to stick with that one.Angie and I give gifts to each other whenever we find something throughout the year, so we didn't give gifts to each other last year, and aren't going to this year. We aren't giving a bunch of gifts to Joshua either. Instead, we are going to take the money we would have spent on each other and Joshua and we are going to buy an animal, like a cow, to be sent to a needy family in a third world country, through World Vision or Samaritan's Purse.
I hope you will join us in choosing less chaos and stress this season, and focus more on Christ and giving things that make a difference in the heart or in eternity.God bless you.
James preached on Luke 7:36-50 today. What stood out to me was this woman’s extreme response. She responds with extreme emotion, as James pointed out, she was weeping hard enough to wash Jesus’ feet with tears. But, she also responds to Him with radical actions. This shows me that she recognized what Jesus can/does do for her, and she is willing to express her appreciation with radical response. Do you recognize the true gravity of what Jesus has done for you? What is your response? Here are a couple observations about her response that maybe you could apply to your life.
The passage says, “Then she knelt behind him at his feet (he would have been laying at a table with his feed out bahind), weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them.” (NLT)
She wiped His feet with her hair. She served Jesus. She met a very practical need in a very extraordinary way. She served Him, even to her own degradation. Could you imagine getting the filth of somebody’s dirty feet in your hair? She was willing to make an extreme sacrifice to serve Jesus. Are you willing to make sacrifices to serve your Lord?
She was kissing His feet. She shows Jesus affection. Again, she so wants to show the extremety of her affection, that she even does it to her own degradation… kissing his feet. Do you show tremendous affection for your Lord? Do you even spend regular time with Him?
She anointed His feet with perfume. She made a financial sacrifice. James said the likelihood is that this perfume was worth an average person’s wages for a year. She seems to have recognized that what He had to give her was far more valuable than anything she could earn. Are you willing to make financial sacrifices to give to causes that are close to the Lord's heart (or do you just drop out an milliliter here and there)?
If you aren’t serving Him sacrificially, showing Him tremendous affection, and willing to give generously for His kingdom… do you fully realize the gravity of what He has done for you on the cross, which brings you into a reconciled relationship with God, eternally? If this has made you feel guilty, that is not its purpose. Don’t feel guilty. Even if you just now realize the gravity of what He has done for you, start showing Him your appreciation now. It contributes nothing to your salvation. It is your way of showing your appreciation for the salvation He gives you as a free gift. If you don’t realize the gravity of it, let me suggest, that should be your consuming pursuit, until it brings you to your knees weeping, and willing to do anything for Him.
The book Screwtape Letters is from the immagination of C.S. Lewis. But, that man had a stong understanding of theology, and I think he touched on some profound truths.
In that book, Lewis immagins a senior demon, Screwtape, teaching his apprentice demon, Wormwood, how to be a good tempter and lead people away from "the enemy", God. I thought this quote from the book would be a good follow up to my sermon this past sunday on sex. Screwtape addresses Wormwood about pleasures and say, “Never forget that when we are dealing with any pleasure in its healthy, normal, and satisfying form, we are in a sense on the enemies (God’s) ground. I know we have won many a souls through pleasure, but it is His invention, not ours. He made the pleasures. All our research so far has not enabled us to produce one. All we can do is to encourage the humans to partake of the pleasures which enemy has produced, at times, or in ways, or in degrees which he (God) has forbidden. Hence, we always try to work away from the natural condition of any pleasure, to that in which it is least natural, least reflective of its maker, and least pleasurable. To get the fellow’s soul and give him nothing in return, that is what really gladdens our father’s (Satan) heart.”
This morning, I asked Joshua, “Do you want to come sit with Dad?” He came over to my chair and climbed up in my lap. I reclined my chair. He laid back on my chest and we watched dogs on TV together. He really likes dogs. I really enjoyed just laying together, him on my chest, hugging my sweet little boy. It filled my tank.
Right after that I spent my quiet time with the Lord. As I was praying I had the thought and asked God this question, “God, do you feel like that when I do this?” I wonder, when I lay back and spend time with God, if He feels like I felt when Joshua was laying on me. I bet He does, from the way the scriptures talk about His great love for us.
How about climbing up in the lap of the Lord today.
For quite some time God has put it in my heart to be developing relationships wherever possible, that doors may open to share the good news of Jesus. I’m always looking to verbally share the good new. But, the foundation of that is just loving others. Most often it’s developing relationships with people in my neighborhood and people I run across on a regular basis. Every now and then there is a chance opportunity with a stranger, like the homeless guy next to the gas station, or the lady who broke down at the intersection.
For application of his sermon this morning, Pastor James had us look at Ephesians chapter 4 and Matthew chapter 25. I got some real practical information on how to love others. For me, if I have some ideas in my mind of what to be on the lookout for, I tend to be more in tune when God points out something He wants me to take action on. So, the following are some parameters I got from those two passages that I’m going to keep in mind.
·Speaking the truth in love.Speaking truth to people is a way to love them. It is a loving thing to point somebody’s sin or character flaws out to them and encourage them to change.
·Save some of what God allows us to earn to help others.God calls us to plan some saving into our budgets, so the money is already there when someone has a financial need. Especially be looking to meet basic needs – food, clothing, a place to stay (I meet these needs in myself because I love myself, and I’m called to love others the same way).
·Meet people’s needs with our words. Sometimes people’s need is emotional, rather than physical. What they need at those times is for me to be there for them, go see them or invite them to my house, show I care, listening to them, and share something encouraging that meets there need (being careful not to share something that seems spiritual, but is trite).
·Readily forgive others and ask forgiveness for whatever part, even if it’s small, that I have done wrong.
·Visit the sick and imprisioned.If someone I know is sick or in prison, visit them.
To even make it more practical, pick two that you could start right away. Where is there opportunity for you to love your neighbor right now?
I hope this helps you, as I'm sure it will me. I’d love for you to submit a comment if you have a practical application or thought to add.
Several years ago, I was at a point where my relationship with God was dry. I was still living for Him on the outside, but I wasn’t feeling close to Him on the inside. It started with my time of prayer feeling distant. That wasn’t so surprising to me, because I had never felt incredibly intimate with God, even though I had a quiet prayer time almost every day. The second thing that happened was that I lost my passion in worship. I would stand and sing, but rarely felt like I was connecting with God, or like He was connecting with my heart in those times. This was a little more concerning, because I had always really enjoyed worship. But, it still didn’t totally jar me. The big thing was when my time reading God’s word became dull. I had loved the word of God since early in my Christian life. I was in process of constant change because of the effect of the word of God in my life. So, this really worried me. Serving was the only thing that was still pretty vibrant for me; although, I’m convinced that if my intimacy with God hadn’t turned around, I soon would have been burned out on serving also.
I started to search for what might refresh my personal experience with God. I read Celebration of the Disciplines. It didn’t have much effect, because discipline was not my problem. I still had all the “disciplines” in my life; they were just dry. I read another book about some traditional ways of getting close to the Lord, The Life You’ve Always Wanted. I don’t know if it was actually something I read in that book or just a thought I had while reading the book. But, I realized that all I was doing was going through the disciplines. I wasn’t actually connecting with God. I realized that my times needed to be more focused on Him, as a person, rather than the activity I was doing. I did come up with some activities to do, but they were born out of my heart to connect with God at all costs. I decided that I was only going to do whatever actually connected me to the person of God, and not just go through the motions of “disciplines”.
The activities I did are not the focus of the most important part of this. The realization that I needed to connect with God personally was the most important thing. But, I figure, while I’m writing I might as well tell you some of the activities I began to do that helped me get out of my rut. I began to study the word of God to give it away. I would get excited about studying the Word because of the possibility of life change that it may effect in a person I would teach it to. And of course, it would have effect on me as well. I began to worship on my own. I value worshipping as a community of believers, but because of my role in helping to organize services I had a hard time focusing on worship. So, I began to worship on my own, at the park, in my back yard, or on a walk, and I would really connect to God and feel like I was with Him as I would really pour out my heart in worship. Maybe most significantly, I began to pray as if I was really talking to a person, and I started making a practice of trying to hear from God. Previously, I was just trying to get through my list of prayers and make sure I did it regularly. I have gone back to my prayer journal list, but now I actually connect with God while I am praying about those things, and I always try to listen.
I hope you will make connection with the Lord your number one priority, and do whatever it takes to facilitate that happening.
“One does not become a disciple of Jesus and stand still.”
One of my greatest hopes as a pastor is to always keep myself and help you continue to grow in your relationship with Jesus and keep moving forward on living how He calls us to live. As many of you know, I believe PACE groups have strong potential to be one of the best things you do in your life toward continually growing in Christ; it is in my life. I want to share some insights from author Mike Breen’s that might encouraged to press on if you are in a PACE group, or if you are not in one that you might decide to form a PACE group.
Breen outlines this process of six steps (the explanations are my own), which the rest of his discussion is wrapped around. And his process is basically what we suggest you do as a cornerstone of PACE groups.
Observe – learn God’s views on life
Reflect – regularly reflect on how you are living your life, compared to God’s views
Discuss – honestly discuss your reflections with other Christ-followers who will listen and be honest
Plan – make a plan for changes (in the power of the Holy Spirit)
Account – keep those other Christ-followers involved as you work on the changes, have them ask you about it, be willing to tell them (give an account) about it
Act – do what you planned to do
“If observing and reflecting are to lead to lasting change, we must invite other into the process with us. For repentance (changing our mind about some behavior) to take hold, we’ve got to share it with someone else.”
James 5:16 instructs, 'Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.'
“Repentance is necessary if we are to grow as disciples, but it is not always easy. Facing our failings, our pain, and our fears is something we want to put off, like a trip to the dentist or bathing the cat. As we step into the process of observing, reflecting on, and discussing our sins and shortcomings with others, we are not only opening up the ugliness of our lives for others to see, we are opening it up for us to see.” Accountability groups with a couple of other people are a safe place to do this scary, but necessary, thing.
“After recognizing the issue, assessing why it happened, and discussing it with someone else, we must move to believing change is possible.”
“We need to make a plan to lead our inner change. If the plan is to succeed, it is important to have at least one person hold us accountable to it. We need to externalize the things that have been going on internally.” I think this is one of the best statements Breen makes. Every time I get a discussion out of my head and bring it to friends, I see things more clearly, before they even say anything back to me about it. “Change doesn’t happen in private. Being afraid to share with someone else because you think your thoughts or feelings are too private will keep you from growing and changing. Sharing your inner thoughts and outward failing with another person may be hard at first, but it is ultimately necessary if we are to grow. We cannot skip accountability and still say we are disciples of Christ. It is that simple.”
We have to act. “Thoughts and intents that are not acted upon are not faith, no matter what we like to say. ‘My faith is personal’ is a favorite (for people to say). But that is a self-contradicting statement. Faith is always acted out, never kept bottle up within.”
Congratulations, those of you who are already in a PACE group. You are right where you need to be. If you are not in a PACE group, you may have opportunity to get in one through a Bible study or retreat. But, let me encourage you to not wait until then. Form your own group.Make a couple of acquaintances of the same sex in the church, ask them to be a PACE group with you (you can meet whenever and wherever you want), and ask me for a PACE help sheet, which will help you make the most of your time together. If you don't know what a PACE group is, click here to read a short description.
May God bless you as you take risks to follow Him.
Quotes are from The Passionate Church., The Art of Life Changing Discipleship.
A couple months ago I had the idea to start a family time. Even though our son is only a year old, and can’t appreciate it yet, I wanted to start the habit in our family of spending some focused time together modeling some important values, like praying for one another, serving one another, giving one another meaningful touch, and communicating our love for one another. My wife received the idea about like many families these days, she wasn’t too excited. She had a picture of family devotions or something that was boring. But, after we did it for the first time, she loved it.
I gave the idea to another family recently, and she just reported to me how much her and her family are enjoying it. She said she especially likes the dad choosing a prayer topic because it subtly communicates to the kids that he is the spiritual leader of their family. And she said everybody loves the massages. Yes that is massages, not messages.
Here is what we do:
- Start with massage chain, where you rub the back/shoulders of the person in front of you. We do this for physical touch.
- Wile you are doing massage, encourage one another. Tell each other something good that you've seen them do, an achievement you're proud of, or something good you've seen in their character, or thank them for something.
- (Optional) A little devotional or Family Night Tool Chest lessons
- Share serving requests. Each person shares a way that they would appreciate being served that week. Each person volunteers to serve another’s need. We do this because we value being servants and want to practice it in our family.
- Share prayer requests. Each person volunteers to pray for someone else’s request.
Also, Dad picks a prayer topic (other family, lost friends, government, etc.), and each person prays something about that in addition to praying for their family member.
- Hug, kiss, & say “I love you” to each other. These things have been lost in a lot of families. And many kids may not want to do these things at first, but they really want them and when they experience them they like it.
Here at church we have always talked about it being the responsibility of parents to spiritually train their own children. It is not the job of the church. The church is just supposed to play a supporting role. But, many parents are intimidated by that responsibility. So, I think this simple family night is a way to start and for everyone to enjoy it. Even this family time will not achieve the goal of spiritually training our kids. We are to impart spiritual truth to our kids in the normal stuff of life. Deuteronomy 11:19 says, “You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up.” In other words, as you are going throug life, doing the normal things, talk to your kids about the Lord and his ways. This starts with you living a life by the Lords ways. Because if you are, there will be natural teachable moments all the time, where you simply explain to your kids why you are making a certain decision or living a certain way, which is according to the way the Lord has directed.
If you try the family time, let me know how you like it. You can even post it as a comment right here in this blog.
This summer, Pastor James is on sabbatical. He needs it and deserves it, so I was in full support of it. As this date has been approaching I have been a little worried about the extra responsibility that will come with James being gone. I have come around to looking at it as an opportunity to trust God. It’s His church. So, I am trusting Him to work through me, to call on His people to do the work of the ministry, and for great things to happen.
If you are a regular reader, there is a chance I may not blog this summer, just due to time. On the other hand, God may do some great things that I just can’t help but type out.
Join me in rising to the challenge this summer, will you?
I meet with two other guys on most weeks for accountability. I have about a dozen important life issues that I go through and give an accounting on each week. When I have a mediocre/bad report in several areas of my life, as I get to the end of my report, I usually realize that every individual thing that I’m struggling with comes down to ONE thing. For example, there are usually a couple times a year where I haven’t been spending time with the Lord on a given week, and I recognize that everything else that is not going so well would probably be going much better if I just spent time with the Lord daily. Sure enough, the next week, I spend time with the Lord daily, and my marriage improves, my ministry improves, my attitude improves, etc.
This week at accountability I was reporting several things I’ve been struggling with. It was one of those times where I realized that everything came down to ONE thing… I’ve been very busy, and been letting that squeeze out some of the most important things. I came home determined to not let that happen anymore. These last few days I have been prioritizing the most important things (making appointments to do them) and just doing them, not letting other things get in the way. As a result, these last few days have been the best days in recent months. Friday night Angie and I could have easily gotten busy around the house, like we usually do, but instead we stopped, snuggled up on the couch and spent time together. Saturday day, I didn’t plan a bunch of chores, instead I made an appointment to hang out with my son, and we had so much fun. Saturday night, instead of vegetating in front of the TV, I turned it off and picked up a book; it was just as relaxing, more rejuvenating, and much more productive. This is the first weekend in months that has felt rejuvenating. I’ve been doing things that I thought were relaxing, like TV, only to be stressed the next day. I’ve been doing things I thought were productive, chores, only to feel unproductive at the end of a weekend. Things like TV and chores have their place, but not at the neglect of things like my family and improving myself.
What are the really important things you may be neglecting because you are busy?
What are the things keeping you busy that need to get put in their proper place?
I found that I still got plenty accomplished this weekend. I am more revived than I’ve been in a long time, which is probably because I’ve focused on the things God says are the priorities (He knows how things work best), rather than the things my flesh and this world say are the most important. May the same be true for you in the following weeks.
The other day when I was meeting with my disciples we were talking about loving God. We were trying to think of practical ways to do that. So, I asked them what we do to develop a relationship with a person. I recognized that the answers they were giving were familiar. They matched up pretty well with the five love languages. I thought it was very helpful in the realm of trying to love God to think of it in terms of the five love languages. So, I want to relay those thoughts to you.
Dr. Gary Chapman wrote the Book Five Love Languages, How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. It has sold over 3,000,000 copies. He followed up with a version of how to apply the five languages to your kids. The reason I give you these facts is, I think they demonstrate that the principles of this book have proved very valuable to people’s relationships. Therefore, I think they can be very valuable to developing our relationship with God. The five “language” categories he writes about are five general ways to communicate love and commitment to someone you are in a relationship with. Those five general ways to develop relationship are: quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, giving gifts, and acts of service.
Here is how I think those translate to loving God in practical ways.
Quality time = isolated, focused time with God in conversation. We may listen to Him through His word. We may talk to Him and listen to Him through prayer (don’t forget the listening part). If you don’t get alone with God and focus only on Him, it’s hard for it to be “quality” time. If I’m watching TV while I’m having a conversation with my wife, she definitely does not consider that quality time. So, why should we think it any different with regard to our time with God? Sure, we are to continually converse with God throughout the day, but if you really want to have intimacy with Him, maybe hear from Him, turn off all the media, go into a quiet room (instead of driving), and spend some focused time conversing with God.
Physical touch = really entering into the presence of God so that you feel Him. My primary love language is physical touch. When I am touching my wife or she is touching me I am so satisfied that I often sigh audibly. All the tension in me feels like it is quickly being exhaled from my body. I am so happy to just be with her, and I can feel it. Well, God is spirit and so we can’t touch His body. But, I believe we can be with Him in a way that is so satisfying that we feel like we have had personal touch with God. Go back to what I talked about related to quality time, and when you spend that time with God, rather than just fulfilling some kind of obligation many of us feel we have to prayer, instead, focus on enjoying the relationship.
Words of affirmation = telling God all He means to you. There are many ways to do this. I like to review my previous day and thank God for all He has done. I also like to praise Him daily for something about His character, which I have learned in His word recently. Of course, thanking and praising God for salvation, forgiveness, and grace should be regular things we express. We can also tell Him how much He means to us through songs. We do it on Sunday together, but I often enjoy putting on my MP3 player, going into my back yard or for a walk, and just singing my heart out to God. Try it some time.
Gifts = giving something to God that He values. This could be so many things. I’ll just suggest a couple. The one that is most obvious to me is, we can give financially to causes that are close to God’s heart, things that advance the gospel, care for the poor, widows and orphans. Our whole lives could fall into this category. The Bible talks about us living holy lives being a valuable offering to God.
Acts of service = serving God by serving someone whom He loves. God calls us to serve one another in the church. We, believers, make up Christ’s body, so when we serve one another, we serve God. We can also serve people who don’t know Jesus, as a means to showing them God’s love. This could lead to them loving God, so it is a means of serving God. The Bible says everything we do, we should do it as if serving God, including our jobs.
Here is my challenge to you. Assess which of these needs the most work in your relationship with God. Then begin to work on it.
I believe if we do these things, and we are aware why we are doing them, our lives will express love toward God and we will feel His love toward us more, because we are investing in the relationship.
I was talking with someone today and I was reminded how precious it is that we have the word of God in a language and vernacular that each of us can understand, and it is so accessible to us. Let's not take this fact for granted. Let's get into our Bibles during the week.
Last week I had the privilege of studying the word of God in preparation for preaching. I always love that because I study in the Greek. Even though studying in Greek allows me to be alerted to some key insights, every time I study that way it shows me how much confidence we can have in our word-for-word English translations. Also, I got to see the power of the word. I thought my sermon was going to be a snoozefest. Even though I had fed on the word all week and felt like I really understood the passage well, I didn’t feel like my communication of the contained truths was going to be all that entertaining to my listeners. But, people reported being tremendously impacted. That showed me once again that the word of God has impact in people’s lives. I didn’t have any fancy object lessons or videos (not that there is anything wrong with those, I like to use them), and yet people were engaged and impacted.
Thank you God for your word. For giving us such access to knowing You and knowing how You designed life to be lived. Let us be devoted to studying it, at home as well as in church.
Two weeks ago I had a couple share with me that this year they decided to start tithing (giving 10% of their income) to the church. When they made the decision they didn't really see how they were going to be able to make it work out financially, even the first month. But they were overjoyed in reporting that God was already doing things to provide the money they need to live and for them to tithe. A single mom, who was also hearing the story, affirmed the same has happened with her, and she has been tithing for some time now.
As I thought the next day about giving, I was contemplating the fact that God has made me a "steward" (a manager who owns nothing of what he manages, because God owns it all). Therefore, what I do with what God has entrusted to me is primarily a matter of worshiping God. It's not about God needing my money, which is what is often taught and how we often think. It is about me being willing to give because I love God more than the things money can buy. How much I give speaks of what I value. Do I value God most or stuff most? And if I value God most, and where I put my money shows that, then when I do spend money on something for me, which that is what most of our money goes toward, I can enjoy that thing knowing God is probably pleased for me to have it, because He knows my heart is really His. I know I often tend to think, "I have to give more and more because there is so much Kingdom work to do." But, He doesn't NEED me or my money to get His work done. So the reason I would give more and more of my money to God's Kingdom work is because my heart is becoming more and more in love with God, and less and less in love with the world and the things I can have in it.
Your pain may be emotional. It may be physical, like mine. But, we have the same Lord who will see us through it and grow us.
Almost four weeks ago now I started having extreme pain in my lower back. I have struggled with back pain for 15 years. For 10 of those years I hardly had a day without some pain. But what hit me four weeks ago was extreme, and it seemingly came out of nowhere. I went to my Chiropractor every day, but it just wasn't getting better. So, she sent me to get an MRI. It turns out that I have two herniated discs and a bulging disc. I have probably had these for quite a while, but it finally hit a nerve. With that diagnosis I started a treatment called spinal decompression. It's basically the medieval rack technologically updated (I kid. It is far from torture). This is a highly technological procedure where a programmed machine stretches my spine apart in intervals. The stretching is to allow the discs the space they need. The intervals create kind of a pumping effect that helps the discs to rehydrate and get back to their proper place. I have treatment four days a week for nine weeks. I am only two weeks into it and it has been slowly relieving symptoms, which I am thankful for. Even though I am still in quite a bit of pain about 25% of the day, I am not in pain 75%-100% of the day, like a was just a few weeks ago. And my pain now is much less severe and less debilitating. For two weeks I spent most of my days in bed; whereas now, I am at least able to go to work.
I am writing about this, because I believe that God will use this in my life. And if there is anything tough going on in your life, I would like to encourage you to trust God with it. I believe God’s promise to work all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Rom. 8:28). I have already gained some good perspective. When you loose several of the things/abilities that we take for granted normally, you learn to appreciate how great we have it. There are many people much worse off than me, even in my current state. I have definitely gained compassion for people in constant pain. I pray for healing and am trusting God for whatever He deems best (2 Cor. 12:8-9). We are to look for things to be thankful for as we pray (Php. 4:6-7). One thing I was immediately thankful for is that God had a doctor in my life who had such a treatment available. And there are many others. I know God cares about my circumstances (1 Peter 5:7). He doesn’t miss any situation. And so I’m trying not to get frustrated with my situation, but just be all I can be with the ability that I have and His strength.
I would love to hear stories of how you have/are persevering through struggles if you want to send me a comment.
This last Sunday right before I got up to preach I felt like God put a tangent point on my mind that wasn’t already in my sermon. If that was all I felt, I probably would have added it to my preaching notes. But, I felt like the point was to be directed at a certain person. That’s what made me think it wasn’t something for the pulpit. I prayed that if God wanted me to say that thing during my sermon that He would remind me while I was preaching. He didn’t remind me and I didn’t say it. I didn’t even look at the person I felt like I was supposed to say it to. I didn’t see that person after service, so I didn’t tell them what I felt I was supposed to tell them.
On Tuesday I got an e-mail from that person. They said they were totally convicted, while listening to my sermon, and the things they were convicted about were exactly the things I felt I was supposed to say, but didn’t. I was blown away. It seems that God spoke the things directly to this person’s heart that He had put on my mind to say to them.
God still speaks to us. He speaks to us through His word. He speaks through others to us. He speaks to us directly. I’m so glad He does. It’s amazing to know He cares so much about us and has a direct relationship with us. I hope we will all obey when we get that feeling that God is saying something to us, directing us, even though we don’t hear an audible voice. And of course, I pray we will always obey His word. Because, God is good and wants the best for us. Don’t forget that. We don’t have an arbitrary God, who is pleased by giving us random things to obey, just so He can get a kick out of it, or ruin our fun. Rather, He is pleased by the same things that are good for us. He created us. He created the world we live in. So, He knows best how life works. And He cares deeply about us and our lives. So, we can trust that when He guides us to do something that it is good for us, as well as pleasing to Him when we obey.
I attended a pastor’s conference yesterday, where John Piper spoke. Here are a couple notes I took.
Living my life God's way is a great source of joy for me. But I'm not sure God Himself is the center of my daily joy. I am very conscious of God’s involvement in my daily life, and I praise Him for it. But those are His works I am taking joy in. Is God Himself my joy? I spend time with God, and enjoy Him then. But, do I enjoy Him throughout my day. It's worth thinking about. This is probably splitting hairs, but what harm is there in continuing to seek to better enjoy God Himself.
Piper talked about pleasing God not primarily being about our actions/obedience. Rather, God is most pleased by us enjoying Him. I thought, what about the Apostle John writing, "If you love me, you will do what I command?" Piper answered this by stating, our love for Christ has to come first. The actions are a response to our love for Him. So presumably we won't be able to maintain a godly, obedient, life, if we don't dearly love God each day.
I'm rejoicing at what happens in the church - seeking counsel
I had a couple of meetings with poeple last week that really make me rejoice. I wanted to share them as a celebration of the kind of cool things that happen in God's family, and as an encouragement to you.
In one situation, there were some hard things going on with a couple. They sought counsel from some Christian friends, which I commend them for. They didn’t like the counsel of their Christian friends at first. We really prayed what to do because we love these people. We gave them our counsel. They talked, considered it, and prayed. They felt like the Holy Spirit spoke to them and they decided to go the way of our counsel. In doing so they were putting the right things as top priorities – their marriage, their kids, and relationships within the body of Christ. I am so proud of them, and excited for what will happen because of their response. I couldn’t help but feel, (1) most people out in the world would don’t even let others in on the hard things in their life, (2) if they did seek counsel, they probably wouldn’t listen to hard but loving counsel, (3) if they did listen to the counsel, they wouldn’t have the Holy Spirit in them to help them live it out in victory. That is what I look forward to in this couples life… them living in victory because they are trusting God in what He says is right and good for them, and trusting God’s people to speak that into their lives. I am so encouraged that this kind of stuff happens in the church.
I had another situation where somebody came to me just to be honest with me about how they are feeling about fellowship in church and wanted some counsel. Again, I gave some counsel that was going to be hard for this person to do. But, they decided to take the counsel. I did what I could do on my part to help. And as soon as the next day I received a praise report from this person. This situation happened within the same timeframe as the one above, so I was just rejoicing at how cool it is that this stuff happens in God’s family.
I would encourage you, if/when you have something hard going on in your life,
1) seek counsel from godly brothers and sisters in Christ or a pastor, 2) weigh their counsel heavy, even if it is hard, and 3) trust that the Holy Spirit can do a great thing in you and through you to bring you through the tough thing.
The church (believers in Christ) is a great gift from God to us; we need to utilize it the way God intended. When somebody spurs you on toward what is good for you and others, even though it might seem hard, they are a faithful friend. God is awesomely gracious to us. The God of the UNIVERSE, the most high God, who is all powerful (omnipotent), lives inside us and works for us when we seek to honor him. That is amazing! And the very things that honor Him are good for us. That is amazing to me as well.
The last couple weeks I have had an old thought renewed afresh in my mind.I want my life to really make a difference.I don’t just want to live willy nilly.And specifically I want other people to know Christ, because of my witness in their lives.Because really, what greater thing could my redeemed life accomplish?Christ died for me.And He has left me here to live for Him and tell others about Him.The least I could do for Him, with all He has done for me, is do what He has left me here to do.The best I could do for myself is live with purpose, and especially His purpose for me, because I believe that will result in the greatest joy.
A second part to that is, I’m tired of not just doing the stuff that I say I want to be about doing.I feel pathetic when I don’t just do them.And there is no reason not to, besides me being able, I have the all powerful God living inside me to enable me to do the good things He desires me to do.Here is a sample of the thing I’m tired of:
-Missing my scheduled time in the morning with the Lord because I get busy
-Missing an opportunity to interact with my son because I’m sitting in front of the TV at night
These are not just “disciplines” I need to get better at.“Disciplines” sound like things I am supposed to do.When really, these are things that I want to do.These are things I enjoy when I actually do them.In the moment of decision I just need to remind myself that my days always go better when I have spent time with the Lord.Almost without fail, when I start my day with time with the Lord, I have a good day, even if tough stuff happens during that day.When I don’t spend time with the Lord, but I got a lot done, I don’t always feel good about that day.Because, getting stuff done is not the measure of a good day.Having related to my God and having walked in the power of His Spirit throughout a day is what makes a day good.And for me that starts with time alone in the morning with Him.
I love spending time with my son. I just need to remind myself that, when it’s all said and done, I get more satisfaction out of time with my son than from TV.Flopping in front of the TV just seems easier at the moment of decision.But I’m tired of choosing the easy thing.That’s not how a strong person, the kind of person I want to be, lives.
So, I have already begun making changes.I have been more successful in some of my efforts, just because I changed my mind about them.And I have seen the Lord working in me to make the right choices and give me strength, because the things I desire to do are honoring to Him.
Tearing up the “scripts” in your marriage communication
This entry is about marriage again, because our current series is about marriage and James’ preaching made me think of this.
You have scripts in your marriage. All of us do. What are “scripts”? When you are in a play you have a script. Each character's lines are written out for them to memorize and repeat on stage with dramatic intent. This sort of happens in marriage. We have issues that tend to come up regularly, and when they do each of us, husband and wife, say the same things every time about that same old issue, as if it’s a written script that we just repeat. And most of our scripts, like the stage, come out with drama (fights), except our drama is not pretend. If you don’t deal with these scripts they will keep coming up again and again, and often in the context of conflict. So, I want to help you deal with them.
1) Make a list of your scripts. Discussions that seem to come up repeatedly should go on the list. Some of the things on Angie’s and my scripts list include: who takes out the trash, whether or not I should bite my fingernails, should each person wash their own dishes, and being on time to things.
2) Keep it some place that you and your spouse are often together and have time to talk. Maybe you could keep it in the car.
3) Whenever you and your spouse are getting along real well get out your list of scripts. Now this may seems counter intuitive. You may think, “Why would I want to bring up issues that we conflict over when we are happy with each other? That seems crazy.” But, here is the logic. If you are happy with each other, maybe you can have a calm conversation and get one of those scripts dealt with, so that the next time you are unhappy with each other that script doesn’t rear its ugly head. If at any time during the conversation things start to get heated, halt the conversation and put the list away. Angie and I were coming back from a retreat last year, where we had enjoyed a great time together, and we got out the list of scripts (this is actually when we made the list too). We had about 8 scripts on the list. We dealt with like 5 of them and then started to get a little irritated, so we put the list away. But, we came up with solutions to those 5 and haven’t argued about them since. James said Sunday, “Tackle one problem at a time.” And I agree that if it is a serious issues, you should only tackle one at a sitting. For us they were all minor irritants, so we covered several.
4) Work on solutions that you can both agree to. Ask the person what is BEHIND the issue, things like what feelings are attached to it and what it communicates to them when you do whatever it is. Then agree on some actions that each of you can take that would satisfy you both, and GET CREATIVE. Coming home from the retreat Angie and I talked about taking out the trash. I found out that she values the trash not being overflowing, and to have a new bag put back in the can, but she doesn’t like walking to the trash. I don’t like her walking to the trash, because it is often night time. I had been taking the trash out regularly, but often forgetting to put a bag back in. So, we agreed that she would wrap up the trash whenever she felt it was getting too full, she would put a bag back in, and I would carry the trash out to the trash can. It may seem silly, but we got creative, and we don’t fight about it any more.
5) Do what you agreed to. And, if you said there was something you would let go, then let that go.
I would love to hear stories of success regarding this. May you give grace to each other and be at peace with one another.
Marriage communication - men, big tip for you & wives, touch your husb
Marriage communication - men, tip for you & wives, touch your husbands
I had my premarital/postnuptial class last night. I was teaching on communication. One of the couples there found some of the information particularly helpful, so I thought I would post it.
Guys, be aware that when your wife hurts your feelings that you get mad. Most guys don't cry when they get hurt, they get mad. That is true of emotional hurts. How does this help? If you stick this information in your hard drive, next time you get angry at your wife, ask yourself, "Did she hurt my feelings somehow? Did she attack my character or say something that felt like disrespect (those are common things that hurt us)?" If she did... here comes the hard part guys... calm down and tell her, "You hurt me when you said (whatever it was)" Wives, when he does this be ready; your response is critical. If you shut him down he may never take that risk again. You need to listen, possibly appologize, and when you resolve it, touch him. Give him a hug, a kiss, rub his shoulders, something, or all of these things. That will wipe away any remaining anxiety that may have a tendency to flair back up.
Another tid-bit the couple thought was very helpful: We don't say "I'm sorry" in our house. It's too easy to mean, "I'm sorry you feel that way", "I'm sorry you took it that way", "I'm sorry you're such a jerk". Those aren't apologies at all. Instead, in our house we say, "I apologize for (whatever). Will you forgive me?" Both parts are crucial. Apologizing is very healing. Also, to apologize requires humility, which I'm sure Christ will appreciate in you. Also, just because you apologize doesn't mean you loose. It doesn't even mean the discussion is over. You can apologize for what you did/said wrong, and still have more to discuss. The other person may even need to apologize for their part, which is often the case by the time something becomes a "fight". The second part, "Will you forgive me?", is also important. It requires a response, so you know where you stand, unlike saying "I'm sorry".
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